Jealousy of the Women
Speaker: Hassan As-Somaali
This is a SalafiCast.net radio recording.
The speaker begins by saying:
Insha Allah Taala, we will continue to read from the valuable book ‘My Advice to the Women’ which was authored by the daughter of Shayk ______(NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the name of this Shayk), who is Umm Abdillaah al-Waadiyyah. In this lecture we will be reading from the chapter entitled “The Jealousy of the Women”. Umm Abdillaah she starts discussing this subject by mentioning the hadith reported by Imam Bukharia on the Authority of Anas who said:
“That the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) he was with some of his wives and one of the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam)sent a plate of food to him. So the woman, the wife whom the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) was in her house at that time…She hit the plate out of the hand of the servant. The plate it broke into pieces. The Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) gathered the pieces of the plate. Then he(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) started to gather the food that was upon the plate. Then he said ‘Your mother has been jealous.’ Then he(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) held the servant and would not let him go until he(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) came with a plate. A plate from the house of the wife whose house he(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) was in at that time. And he(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) gave the plate which was in its proper and sound state to the wife whose plate had been broken. And he(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) left the broken plate in the house of the wife where it was broken.
The speaker says Umm Abdillaah continued to mention(in her book):
“Jealousy comes from the changing of the state of the heart and the arousement of anger.“ This is caused due to sharing that which was specific to them. She said “And the most extreme type of jealousy is that which occurs between the husband and the wife.” She said “…and jealousy is of two types, Praiseworthy and dispraise worthy. “ She said “Praiseworthy jealousy… what is praiseworthy jealousy? It is that jealousy which does not exceed and transgress the boundaries of the Shar’ia. (The Book and the Sunnah) While, the Dispraise worthy jealousy, is that jealousy which transgresses and exceeds the boundaries laid down by the Shar’ia. She said that “if it exceeds the Shar’ia (the boundaries laid down by the Book and the Sunnah) then this jealousy is dispraise worthy.
The speaker says she continued a few lines later (in her book) to say:
“And likewise, the jealousy of the woman towards her husband is praiseworthy as long as it does not exceed and transgress those boundaries laid down by the Shar’ia.” So an important point is being highlighted and it is that the jealousy of a wife towards her husband is praiseworthy as long as it does not exceed and transgress those boundaries laid down by the Book and the Sunnah. She said “… and from that which the woman has been trialed with is that she has extreme jealousy if her husband wanted to get married again and how many times do we see this?” She said “So much so, that her extreme jealousy and her _____ (NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the word the speaker states) towards her husband, it might lead to her falling into that which Allah made haram.” How many times do we see that due to the husband wanting to get married again and due to the wife’s jealousy towards her husband she falls into that which Allah made haram. So you find she might leave the house without any permission. You find she might cut up his clothes and throw them out the window. You find that she might try to physically abuse her husband. And this is not from the estranged. Umm Abdillaah (in her book) gives an example of this, She said “That a woman she might use magic so that her husband will hate her co wife and magic is disbelief.” So she mentioned the saying of Allah subhana wa taala: “They followed what the shaytaan and the devils gave out falsely of magic in the lifetime of Sulleyman. Sulleyman did not disbelieve, but the shaytaan and the devils disbelieve. Teaching in magic and such things that came down of Babylon to the two angels , ______ and _______ (NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the two angels names). But neither of these two angels taught anyone such things till they had said ‘we are only a trial so disbelieve not.” And this is the proof to establish that magic is khufr, disbelief.
The speaker says Umm Abdillaah (in her book) gives you an example saying:
“Due to the extreme jealousy of the wife towards the husband and her hating and detesting that he get married again (she may fall into this magic, Khufr, disbelief)… this is my heed to her falling into magic or using magic to make the husband hate the co wife.” Falling into Khufr or disbelief, we seek refuge with Allah subhana wa taala. Umm Abdillaah, of the mentioning, that nobody can aide you and harm you except Allah subhana wa taala and mentioning the proofs of this she said “Beware, Beware of falling into this ______(NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the word he used at this time). So don’t let the devil fool you so that you may fall in love and want to stick to this worldly life.” Do not let the devil fool you concerning the desires of this world which will come to an end and due to this you will end up falling into disbelief and we seek refuge with Allah subhana wa taala. So Umm Abdillaah, advising the sisters, she continued “…and this issue of her disliking her husband to get married again due to her extreme jealousy, it might lead so many to hope and then longing for that polygamy was never legislated. And For another one of them It might leave her hating the Shar’ia, hating that which has been legislated.” Again we seek refuge in Allah from this hating the Shar’ia due to polygamy being allowed. She said “And some of them they hope and they long that their husbands will die if they were to get married again.”
And there are many examples of this. So she has mentioned that there are levels. There are those women who are overtaken by their extreme jealousy towards their husbands. So when the husband wants to get married again her extreme jealousy could lead her to practice or use magic. So this woman has fallen into Khufr, disbelief. And some of them, they hope and they long that polygamy had never been legislated. And others they hate the Shar’ia (that which has been legislated) due to polygamy being allowed. And some of them hope that their husband would die if they were to get married again. And she said “Some of the women you will not find any of the above occurring from them, but you will find that she will loosely apply her tongue.” Meaning loosely speak about her co wife being stabbed with abuse and backbiting.” And again it is not strange to see co wives fighting. This is a disgrace. It shows that they lack shame that you see them fighting because of this extreme jealousy. And all of this is from the plots and the plans of the devil.
Umm Abdillaah said ______(NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the name spoken at this time) is a believing woman, her position from this (belief she has), if her husband was to get married again even though she has praiseworthy jealousy towards him, her position from this would be that she will know that everything that happens in the universe is by the pre-decree of Allah subhana wa taala. And she said “Allah the most high said ‘From the command of Allah is a decree determined.” She mentioned the saying of Allah “Everything we created with Qudar .” She said “No matter how much has befallen you from the calamities of this world, this is nothing in comparison to you safeguarding and preserving the well being of your religion.” Meaning the most important thing in all of this is to preserve the well being of your religion. And she said “It is upon you to make a dua, to supplicate to Allah subhana wa taala.” And she mentioned the saying of Allah the most high “Envoke me, supplicate to me and I will answer you.” In this ayat Allah subhana wa taala he commands and encourages the slaves to supplicate and envoke him and he promises them that he will answer them. She said “It is upon you to ward off that which occurs in your heart from you detesting and hating your co wife.” Remove that hate and detest from your heart which is directed towards your co wife, purify it, clean it, cleanse it, remove it, erase it.” She said “Because she is a woman just like you and why have you reached this level? So know, If we were to have sound intellect, oh women, we would not busy ourselves with this.” Meaning if we were to have sound intellect we would not busy ourselves with this, rather we would have patience and return to Allah subhana wa taala with worship.
She said “even though jealousy (meaning praiseworthy jealousy ) occurred from the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) Allah he praised them highly in the Quran with his saying ‘Oh wives of the Prophet you will not like any other woman if you keep your duty.’ And she said “From the examples of the jealousy (the praiseworthy jealousy) of the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam)is the previous hadith.” Meaning the first hadith that we read. She said “and likewise, from the hadith of Aisha (Radyallahu anha) reported in Bukhari and Muslim that Aisha (Radyallahu anha) said ‘I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) as much as I did of Khadijah, although I did not see her. The Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) used to mention her often. And whenever he slaughtered a sheep the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) will cut its parts and send them to the women friends of Khadijah(Radyallahu anha). _______ (NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the few words the speaker said at this moment)I sometimes used to say to the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) ‘you treat Khadijah in such a manner as if there is no woman on earth except Khadijah.’ And he would respond ‘Khadijah was this and she was that and from her I had children.” And in this hadith we see the establishment of jealousy.
Jealousy was present in the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) …praiseworthy jealousy, praiseworthy jealousy. And likewise, this hadith shows us the excellence of Khadijah (Radyallahu anha) and it shows us the excellence of a righteous wife. If you are righteous and Allah subhana wa taala decreed that something should happen to you and you were to die then your husband would always remember you, insha Allah. Because the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) said “This world is enjoyment and the best of the enjoyment is a righteous wife.” Meaning he will remember those days of bliss and happiness and security and comfort and understanding. He will always remember and cherish what you gave him and Insha Allah, supplicate for you and make dua for you that Allah subhana wa taala grant you paradise and forgive you of your sins. Umm Abdillaah, after mentioning that hadith, she mentions another hadith upon the authority of Aisha (Radyallahu anha) who said “Halla, the daughter of Khadijah’s sister, asked the permission of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) to enter. When the Prophet heard Halla, he remembered the way Khadijah used to ask permission and that upset him and he said ‘Oh Allah _____ (NOTE: at this time the speaker says a word I am unable to make out)!’ and she (Aisha) said I became jealous and said to him ‘What makes you remember an old woman amongst the old women of Qurash with a toothless mouth of red gums, who died long ago and in whose place Allah has given you somebody better than her?”
Then Umm Abdillaah continued “In this hadith it is established… praiseworthy jealousy. It is not something that is detested and looked down upon, this occurs. This praiseworthy jealousy occurred from the most excellent of women. Never mind speaking about those who are lesser than them!” And again she mentioned a hadith to establish the fact that the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) had praiseworthy jealousy. The hadith upon the authority of Aisha (Radyallahu anha):
“Whenever the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam)intended to go on a journey he drew lots among his wives. (Again, look how fair the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) was, verily he was the fairest of all of the people.) So after the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) drew lots amongst his wives the lot fell on Aisha and Hafsa. So when night came the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) would ride beside Aisha (Radyallahu anha) and talk with her. One night Hafsa (Radyallahu anha) said to Aisha ‘Wont you ride my camel tonight and I ride yours so that you may see me and I may see you?’ Aisha said ‘Certainly, no problem.’ So Aisha mounted and rode Hafsa’s camel. So the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) he came towards Aisha’s camel on which Hafsa was riding and he greeted her and preceded beside her till they dismounted on the way. Aisha (Radyallahu anha) missed him and due to her missing him, when they dismounted she put her legs in the _____ (NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the word used to describe the place she puts her legs) and she said “Oh Lord, send a scorpion or a snake to bite me for I am up to blame him, the Prophet(sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) .” This is praiseworthy jealousy of the wives of the Prophet.
Umm Abdillaah she said “and likewise, you find this jealousy in other than them (meaning other than the wives of the Prophet) from the noble female companions. So likewise the female companions they possess this quality of praiseworthy jealousy.” And she said “Upon the authority of Anas he said ‘Oh Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) why is it that you don’t marry from the women of the Ansar?’ The Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) said ‘because they have EXTREME Jealousy!” So the female companions, we know the companions are the best of mankind (after the Prophets and Messengers) and we know that we are commanded to follow the companions from the _____ (NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the name of the group of people that is mentioned here, something ,like Muhajiroon) and the Ansar.
So Umm Abdillaah she continues she says “So is it not that jealousy will certainly be present in us?” Meaning if jealousy was present in them (praiseworthy jealousy) then definitely we are going to have jealousy because they had it and they are the best of mankind, and surely we are going to have it.” She said “That which is obligatory upon the woman is to have patience.” Something that is very rare in our times because what happens sometimes is that the wife has friends and they are pretending to be advisors . In reality they are not sincere advisors. Some of them might be jealous because the sister has a good husband. Some of them might just be evil. Some of them might have nothing better to do than destroy somebody’s marriage. So the sisters whose husband got married again speaks to her companions and they whisper in her ears and unfortunately there is no patience. So the first thing she says (the first thing to come from her mouth) is “Either divorce me or grant me the Khula.” Why, because of a lack of patience. Umm Abdillaah she said “That which is obligatory upon us (that which is obligatory upon the women and likewise the men) is to have patience. From the fruits of having Emaan and belief in the decree of Allah subhana wa taala is that one would have patience.” She said “This is mentioned by my father, in his book Al-Jannah ____ (NOTE: I am unable to transcribe the full name of the book).”
Umm Abdillaah she mentioned “All of the actions of Allah subhana wa taala are of wisdom. All the acts of Allah subhana wa taala are actions of wisdom.” Meaning there is wisdom behind them. She said “None other, this is a principal,that sometimes we know the wisdom behind something and sometimes we don’t (meaning it is not apparent).” Then she went on to mention (speaker says this is something that we mentioned previously, but it is important so, Insha Allah taala, we will repeat it, especially at the end of this lecture) “From the wisdoms of Polygamy (speakers notes by saying “and this issue of Polygamy, unfortunately due to influence of the enemies of Islam and due to the influence of those people who hate that which Allah subhana wa taala revealed in his book and that which was revealed to his Prophet in the Sunnah. People are unaware of the wisdom of Polygamy and this is sad especially for us as believers, insha Allah taala. As Allah subhana wa taala mentions “Verily! Am I your Lord they will not believe. So there is you Muhhamad as a judge between them in all of their affairs.”)
So Umm Abdillaah she mentions that “Wisdoms behind Polygamy…” (speaker notes: Again this is a woman writing, not a man, Sister to Sister. So nobody can be bias and nobody can be chauvinistic and nobody wants to oppress females because she is a female herself.) She said:
”…Number one, due to Polygamy there will be many children.” And she said the Prophet (sal Allahu allayhi wa salaam) said “Marry and have many children for verily I will compete with you. I will compete with the other nations, through you, to have many children.” So, Insha Allah, we should want to have children…many children.
“…Number Two, maybe the woman is Barren” (meaning she can’t have any children and this is something common, familiar. It is not something unknown.)She adds “That he divorces her or she remains with him and he gets married again. And what is better? That the husband remains without any children or that he get married again? The answer is that it is better that he keeps her and he gets married again.” (And we are talking about those brothers who have the ability to get married again.)
“and Number Three, when a woman is in a state of post natal bleeding and menstruation maybe the husband cant handle that period of time for this would lead him and cause him to fall into that which is haram, that which is impermissible.” So Umm Abdillaah she said “The solution to this problem is marriage, maybe to get married again.”
“ Number Four, Maybe the woman will have something wrong with her, some defect, and it is better that he keeps her and not divorce her and he gets married again.”
“ Number Five, maybe the woman is frequently sick. She has a sickness and she is always sick. Maybe she is unable to perform a few of the daily tasks so therefore it is better that he marries again and he does not separate from her.”
“ Number Six, Polygamy joins the various families. Families who were scattered it joins them all together.” And she mentioned the saying of Allah subhana wa taala _____ (NOTE: at this time he says the Surrah and Ayat, but I am unable to make out what he is saying.)”
She said “Number Seven,that the woman needs someone who will take care of her needs.” And from this is the example of the spending the husband has to give to his wife…the clothing, the food, the shelter. And she said “And with polygamy then the husband, Insha Allah taala, can take care of that.”(rather than divorce which leave the woman without someone to care for her needs) Again that is why Allah subhana wa taala tells us “The men are in charge of the women because the man is the one who arise with the task and fulfills the needs of his wife.” And this was the beneficial points mentioned by Shayk _____(NOTE: I believe he says Shayk Fawzaan, but am not 100% certain), that if the man is the one supporting the wife then , Insha Allah taala, this will aid them in having a successful marriage. But unfortunately, the one thing that we see is that the woman for example, is the one who is the bread winner for the family. Meaning she is the one who supports the family. As this is the case this is going to lead to confrontation. It’s going to lead to conflict. It’s going to lead to misunderstandings. The woman is not going to know her correct role; the man is going to be deprived of his correct role. The man will be looked down upon. He will belittled and so therefore, the man, it is his responsibility to provide for his wife. It is his responsibility to provide for his wife. And at the end of it she said “…and the knowledge of this lies with Allah Subhana wa taala.” The real knowledge of this lies with Allah.
So this subject, the subject of the jealousy of the women, it should be understood and it should be implemented. Insha Allah, we recognize as a husband that a woman is jealous. Likewise we recognize that there is praiseworthy jealousy and there is dispraise worthy jealousy. And likewise, this is an advice to the sisters to fear Allah Subhana wa taala, like Umm Abdillaah advised you to do. Worry about the well being and the soundness of your religion, that is the most important thing. Paradise, Al-Jannah, that which pleases Allah subhana wa taala. And we should stay away and abstain from that which angers Allah. So a piece of beneficial advice, that would solve many problems if it was met by an open heart and a set of open ears. For those who’s ears are sealed, those who do not want to hear, then we ask Allah subhana wa taala that he cures you of your sickness and that he guides you to the correct path and Insha Allah taala, we will end it here.-- END
