And so I ask myself, how do I deal with myself? I'm trying to hold on to Allah and make Him my best friend but I long also for dunya love. How can I reconcile depending on Allah alone and yearning from someone to rely on here? We have friends but it's not the same. I feel such a detachment from everyone. How do I reach the place where I don't want anyone or is this unrealistic expectations? One thing is for sure,I need to help myself. The only problem now that I'm overwhelming myself trying to get back to where I once was Allahu musta'an

As Salamu alaykum. I see the only way to live a good life is by putting Allah first.for the last few years I've been putting my nafs first. I guess in a way trying to block out reality and force life to be how I want it to be. I wanted the happiness I thought I had and SubhanAllah how I was tested. Part of me feels empty but I know I have to fill this gap with the remembrance of Allah. I do wish to find support in the dunya but I feel comfort in not depending on people. I have patience and I hope my Lord rewards me for this. I need to trust Him and rely on Him more. I feel like I tainted myself by having weak emaan. Embarrassed even SubhanAllah, may Allah forgive me for being more embarrassed in front of the people than I am in front of Him. I want to be proud of myself again,but proud without pride.i want to be proud that I'm trying my best to please Allah but in a way that my intention is that it's for Allah alone. May Allah help me and us all ameen. I keep forgetting I will be accountable, this scares me. May Allah guide my children also ameen

As Salamu alaykum, SubhanAllah I got so lost.i come and see this site now and all the reminders which I should have heeded. But how we love our nafs,and how our nafs destroy us. All I can do is thank Allah for holding onto me. SubhaNAllah I never purposely wanted to be bad but we get caught up in life and lose all sense of direction. I wanted dunya and dunya surely distracted me. I guess one conclusion I came to is that dunya plays its part too. dunya can't be ignored as we have to live and in this life we will get tested. I really do love Allah because SubhanAllah all I have to do is ask his forgiveness sincerely. I find myself when I Find Him. Being alone isn't a good place to be. We can try to be strong and think we are ok but slowly slowly emaan will weaken without reminders. I have to fight myself now and also make time. I live like there will be no consequences, I tried to ignore but you can't hide from the truth. I'm so grateful Allah never let me go, I pray HE never lets me go. May Allah help us ameen